People’s Choice Awards: The Reel Deal

I couldn’t have said it better myself, so I won’t bother. I’ll leave you to Whitney Pastorek’s article from Entertainment Weekly. This article does not disappoint, with whit, sarcasm and honest to goodness real opinion, it’s like a slap in the face, waking you from the mundane. Enjoy!

” This is not the blog post my editors asked for. In this space, you are supposed to be reading a Best and Worst of last night’s People’s Choice Awards, one of those snarky little fiestas where I run down all the highlights of the ceremony, crack some jokes, get worked up when Sugarland doesn’t win, whatever. But PopWatchers, I can’t do it this time.

I know what you’re thinking: “Yeah, it’s hard to make a list of ‘bests’ when there weren’t any.” But even if I faked it by saluting Christina Applegate’s classy speech or the emotional fortitude it must take for Ellen DeGeneres to keep getting up there and smiling at the nice people who cheer for her when she dances her funny dance but refuse to give her the civil rights necessary to marry her “roommate,” I would be doing you, the intelligent and savvy readers of EW.com, a disservice. Because the People’s Choice Awards, by any reasonable standard, are the worst kind of pandering, artificial hooey. And we, the alleged people, deserve better.

I intend no disrespect to the winners of the “awards,” nor to enthusiastic hostess Queen Latifah (pictured), nor to the hardworking men and women who labored behind the scenes to produce these two hours of televised pap and circumstance. But with the exception of The Dark Knight — victorious in so many categories they had to shove them all into a montage at the end — do I think for a second that these “winners” are, indeed, the “people’s” choice? No. Let’s be honest: As the very clear post-show disclaimer explained, a complex system of “E-Polls” and market research and extravagant math went into choosing the nominees you saw upon your screen. And that system led to a telecast in which praise was lavished on a crassly commercial cross-section of demographically advantageous properties starring celebrities who were willing to show up.

Even as mindless distraction, this awards show was a failure. There was no suspense; every category could be easily predicted by remembering who you’d already spotted in the audience. Would the “Favorite Rock Song” be “All Summer Long” by Kid Rock, or those other two thingies performed by people who were not currently located inside the Shrine Auditorium? To quote “winner” Rock: What a surprise. Chris Brown accepted his “Favorite Combined Forces” award (for “No Air” with Jordin Sparks) “live via satellite” from Dublin, Ireland — where by my calculations it would have been approximately 3:30 in the morning. Rascal Flatts were handed a statue immediately after completing their unconvincing Rascal Flatts impersonation, and like 200 people rose as one from the good seats to collect the “Favorite TV Drama” award for House. Yes, tipping the winners off ahead of time has become pretty much de rigeur at this sort of thing, but when those “winners” stretch the limits of plausibility or common sense, I start sawing at my wrists with Twizzlers.

Examples: We were told early in the broadcast that voting was still open in the “Favorite New TV Comedy/Drama” categories. And yet when the time came, the casts of Gary Unmarried and The Mentalist — which, oh wow, just happen to air on the network we’re watching! — were in the house and ready to go. The cast members of the losing shows? Conspicuously absent. (Okay, there were 90210 people milling about, but I’m willing to believe they, like Paris Hilton, have nothing better to do.) But wait, there’s more: Britney Spears losing to Robin Williams for “Favorite Scene Stealing Guest Star” — in an Internet-based voting competition? Kate Hudson (movie to promote) and Latifah (host) going head-to-head for “Favorite Leading Lady”? The Secret Life of Bees winning “Favorite Movie Drama”?? People. Bees made $37 million at the box office. That is just slightly more money than Marley and Me made opening weekend.” Full article here.